2 months of weed tomorrow

I’ve been a daily stoner since 12–13. I’m 36 now — 23 straight years of wake-and-bake, 2–3 g a day

On paper my life looks amazing: beautiful partner, two incredible kids, good job, accomplishments I’m proud of. Most people would say I’m doing great.

But for years I’ve felt like I’m running at 60–70 % of what I could be. The wasted time, money, lung health, mental sharpness… it all adds up. I know I’m throwing potential away, and it eats at me. Quitting has always been the one thing I can’t stick to. Longest break was ~30 days in Bali (where it’s basically impossible to score). Every other attempt ends the same way: a week sober, the acute cravings die down, brain fog lifts, I feel sharp again… and then the voice shows up:

“See? You’re fine now. You can just smoke occasionally. You’ve got moderation down this time.”

Two weeks later I’m back to daily use. It’s the same cycle on repeat for 20+ years. I’m tired of lying to myself.

Two months ago I finally stopped cold turkey. This is the longest I’ve ever been fully weed-free. Most of the acute withdrawal is behind me: the insomnia, the night sweats, the rage — all mostly gone. I’m sleeping again, my head feels clearer than it has in decades, and I’m actually proud of myself for once.

But… I got absolutely hooked on nicotine pouches (Zyn-style, the strong ones). Because I was mixing tobacco in every single joint for 20+ years, I think my nicotine dependence was always there hiding under the weed.

Current plan/bargain with myself (yes, I’m still bargaining, and I don't want to accept that I have to let weed go forever):

• Stay 100 % weed-free until next summer’s festivals (Ozora etc.).
• That would be 10 months totally clean.
• Then allow myself exactly one festival week of smoking joints — and that’s it for the entire year.

Part of me thinks this "only on festival grounds" plan could actually work now that I’ve proven I can go months without it.

The other part is screaming that one single joint at the festival will wake the beast and by September I’ll be back to daily use...

I've read many stories where people relapsed after 1-2 years of abstinence.

What do you think?