I feel so insecure and I’m overwhelming my partner, please help

My boyfriend and I have been through so much during our time long distance. It’s been over a year now and it’s been so challenging. I went through a period, a very long period, where I felt like I was a disloyal cheater and confessed a million hurtful things to my boyfriend that really broke our relationship. He chose to stay and we managed to get through it. He’s done things to hurt me as well though they weren’t disloyal, that I know of. He started working at seaworld last year and quit about 7 months later. During his time working there, he made a lot of friends, a good amount girls. I started to feel really insecure and eventually had him block the. I didn’t like the way he described them (as hoes) and I just didn’t feel comfortable. I had my reasons but I don’t think they were valid enough to make him block them, they were just friends. I’d ask for screenshots of his blocklist maybe once a month which I know isn’t healthy, but it was consistent with its order each time. He recently came to visit though, and when I asked to see it, he showed me without hesitation but the order was all sorts of messed up. He swore up and down he didn’t unblock anyone. He said maybe it was the new instagram update, the new iPhone update changed the blocklist order of iMessages. My instagram updated though and my blocklist didn’t change, no one’s posted about that happening either. We had a very heartfelt conversation where he started crying, he said his mom was cheated on, and he was cheated on in both of his past relationships, and that he’d never want to hurt me in that way he swore on the things closest to him that he didn’t unblock anyone and he had no reason to. A few months ago I started questioning him about a girl he was friends with for a few before him and I started talking. I never felt insecure about her until she decided to get instagram and I saw her in his suggestions. I questioned him quite often about her and I’d also stalk her instagram. This went on for months and I know that’s not healthy of me at all but I was so insecure. He always swore and insisted that he only knew her for 2 months and didn’t like her at all and he actually disliked her for a few reasons (she was weird). He said he just wanted friends as he had just switched to my high school and they had 2 classes together. Well about 2 months ago I brought her up yet again, the same day she posted a picture of herself to beetles by aphex twin on her story. A few hours later that same song was played on my boyfriend’s airbuds. That song is very unpopular, like 99 videos under that sound on TikTok and around the same for YouTube. He said he had seen it in an edit on TikTok but it wasn’t under the original sound. When I asked for him to show the edit, he couldn’t find it. Then he said maybe it wasn’t on TikTok and maybe it was on YouTube. He described what happened in the edit but ended up not remembering what platform the edit was on and he couldn’t find the edit anywhere, not even in his watch history. The reason I asked to see his block list while he visited is because I actually searched her name on insta to see if she’d come up on his phone. The a few days later I was thinking about it and was like, maybe he blocked her, so I asked and that’s why he showed me his block list, he did in fact block her. He said he wanted nothing to do with her and was tired of me brining it up and that it was triggering. He said he didn’t even want to see her account so he originally had asked his sister to block her. He has PTSD by the way and he gets stressed and triggered easily. Some months ago it kept showing a green dot next to his bitmoji on Snapchat despite him saying he didn’t have Snapchat. I’d always question him but he said he didn’t know why. One time his highlights on Snapchat had changed and it took him a few seconds to log onto Snapchat to look at it which made me question things. He said Snapchat was on his iCloud since he had downloaded it before which is how he downloaded it and logged in so quickly. When I asked to see his download history, it said he had last downloaded Snapchat in 2019. Out of nowhere though, Snapchat stopped showing he was online and it’s been that way ever since which is odd to me. People have posted before saying the same thing happened to them, Snapchat showing they’re online when they’re actually not. I don’t know though. He’d also say that I was his lockscreen but when he’d send a ss of his nonification center, it was a game boy. He said he didn’t understand why it was doing that, idk the whole thing didn’t make sense and it’s been too long for me to remember the details. He said his lock screens would change and that he turned that feature off on his iPhone but then it would still show the game boy sometimes so idk. He’s only lied to me once but as soon as I found out and confronted him, he admitted to it. He said he had no intentions on ever telling me though. He swears that he doesn’t do anything behind my back and it seems so genuine but I have Rocd and these unexplainable things are killing me. It’s even worse when I see videos on my fyp saying trust your gut or trust your dreams (I’ve had dreams of him cheating). I feel so sick and I spammed his phone. I’m scared maybe he stopped caring about his actions after I confessed all of the things I did or maybe he’s trying to get back at me. He asked me why would he visit and show me his phone if he were being weird behind my back. He has a lot of financial responsibilities back home too, like financially supporting his family, so a visit wasn’t easy. He’s ignoring me right now and it’s been 9 hours. He viewed my story and posted on his though. He told me he needed space but still texted me so I didn’t think he needed it anymore. He said it’s hurting him that I think he’s lying and that he doesn’t love me after everything he’s done for me and after the visit. He’s really depressed too and he said me not trusting him makes him want to die. I’m 19 and he’s 20 by the way. We weren’t long distance in the beginning but then I moved.