16 n fwb situation

I’m 16f and have done weed occasionally since I was 14. About a week ago, I had alcohol for the first time, and my first experience was getting crossfaded. That day, a friend (19m) and I got so high and so drunk together. We were in his bedroom, and I genuinely could not hold myself up, so I lay down on the bed and was staring at the ceiling like, “wtf is going on.”

The next thing I realized was that he had moved somewhat closer, and I was so intoxicated that even though alarm bells were ringing very faintly in my head, I was chill with it. Then he started talking about how if I wanted to get into a relationship, I should hit him up. I laughed it off and said I wouldn’t want a relationship right now because I’m busy as hell and it would affect me. I said I would rather prefer FWB (I did not mean this about him, just in general).

Then suddenly he was kissing me, and I don’t know why, but I went along with it even though it was not what I wanted. Then he did some more stuff, and then I left.

Two days later, we met up again. I was hoping to change things this time so he wouldn’t think this was the norm. If I’m very honest, I was too much of a chicken to send a firm text, so I thought I’d fix it in real life. He offered me alcohol and weed again, and this time I think it was even worse because in my head I could feel him getting closer, but for some reason I couldn’t say no, even though I wanted to.

Then he kissed me, and we did more sexual stuff again (not sex), and then I left. Ever since then, I’ve been kind of ignoring him because I genuinely feel so disgusted with myself. I’ve realized I can’t do casual, which is surprising because I thought I could. I genuinely feel like I’ve crossed a major boundary with myself, and I cannot help but feel an intense amount of shame.

Have you guys gone through anything like this? If so how did you deal with it because genuinely like I cant even explain the way I'm feeling rn