Rumors at work

I’m 62, been a widow since 55.

I was married to my husband for 23 years. We had an amazingly great life and marriage. So much so that I don’t feel right dating and decided long ago that I would stay true to him for the rest of my life. It works well for me and it’s something I’m proud of. No judgement on any other way, this is what works for me.

I have worked in a male-dominated industry nearly my full career. I have always been careful about the way I dress and act. I dress like the guys (jeans,t-shirt,steel toed boots) don’t do my hair or wear makeup. I don’t behave in any ways that would lead someone to believe I’m interested or available.

Got a boss my age. We got along well. He didn’t get along with the remaining handful of direct reports. He worked there a couple of years and just recently left.

As soon as he left, I became aware that there has been a rumor among his direct reports that he and I were involved.

I’m horrified, angry, hurt…all the emotions. In additional to being upset personally, I’m also stuck with professional-level angst.

These are my fellow team members. How do I trust them again? I thought we were a better team than that. Right now I want nothing to do with them, but we have to work together. We are the upper-level leaders of the organization. I’m the only woman.

One of them is aware of what’s going on and mistakenly thinks he’s off the hook because he didn’t believe the rumor. For months and months, heck maybe even years, this has been the talk and I was so stupidly unaware and no one was decent enough to have my back. I expected more support than “I didn’t believe it”.

I don’t want to be at work right now. I’m a top performer, so it is totally unlike me to say that. This is the job I planned on retiring from and right now I can’t bear to be there.

I just need advice I guess. I don’t have any female co-workers for support and the few female friends I have just don’t get it. They’re younger, with husbands, so trying to explain why I feel so disrespected falls short.

I know I’ll eventually get over it and won’t be as emotional as I am now. Right now I feel like they just spit on how I feel about not being associated with any other man than my husband. It feels doubly hurtful because they all knew that. I’m very open about it. My husband’s kiss was my last.