I’m a full on grown adult and the feeling of wanting to kill my self have never faded away fully

Is a like relapse or something like that. But every now and then, sometimes more often than others, I just find my self in this mental space wishing to die. I’m so tired of trying.

I’m tired as well of not having the courage to do it or feeling sad for others then not doing it. But they don’t think of me. I feel so stupid for consider them.

I’m not killing my self today. But hopefully one day