Moms new bf not allowed for xmas- what are your thoughts?

So roughly ten years ago my mom met a man who me and brother disliked, she married him. It caused that much upset and arguments at the time. he moved into the family home but whilst we had our opinions and aired them, we were just kids in the families eyes and were just deemed jealous that our moms attention were elsewhere.

Anyway fast forward to now, they are going through a divorce, after he lost his job, gambled lots of money and got into debt that my mom mostly paid off and was drinking and taking drugs. He was caught texting other women and not to mention on one occasion we rang the police on him for attacking my brother.

Mom stayed with him for most of this and as teens we lived at home, no choice in the matter. My thought process was “moms happy, if she loves him there isnt a lot we can do”.

So its been 9 months since they split ans moms been dating a guy for two months. I have not met him yet however my brother has.

Mom wants him to come over for Christmas night and stay. I feel like we have been through so much we just need a day to recover and mend relationships between us, we have had to grin and bare so much with her ex that we just wanted one day.

Mom however cannot possibly not see him that day. So now me and my brother and partners are leaving on the night rather than staying over as per original plan.

I think its lovely that she has met someone and happy and any other time it would be fine. But the timing is inappropriate and really I just thought she would need to have that time with us too.

We are now 28 years old and 23 years old and we just want a day to get over a relationship we were forced to be a part of when we were kids. Plus this was a day that was planned and we were all looking forward to.

In her head, we don’t want her to be happy, we are dictating etc. She asked how we would feel if we weren’t allowed to see ours partners that day. My thought process is our partners have not caused pain to anyone. We are all adults now however we had no choice back then we had to go with it.

I am really battling with myself on what is right and wrong at the moment and if i am being selfish. What are your thoughts?