I don’t know if anyone could understand.

The last “glimpse” of life I had was when I was 6 years old before I was SA’d few times, even r8ped by my own brother and I don’t wanna write my whole life story because it’s extremely dark, it includes being sexually/physically abused as a child and leading to those things made me make horrible decisions which intentionally self sabotaged myself and also I tried committing suicide twice, I lived almost my whole life with suicidal thoughts.

Does anyone know what it’s like to not know what life even is? To live in a false facade you put on while people around you have no clue why you’re the way you’re? To be recently reprimanded for not going to a wedding of the cousin who sexually abused you by your family and they don’t know, yet you can’t talk? To constantly lie to protect others from negativity, only to end up willingly putting more weight on yourself for others to feel good? To be bed rotting everyday you don’t have work then lie about it when people ask where have you been? To try not deprive others of their dignity and confide a little with them, only to end hearing “don’t be sad, be happy just don’t live in the past” then they try to shut you down for being only a little too real while they don’t know what it’s like trying to battle to fix all your problems which is caused by the past while building your way for the future and also have others dependent on you for income while your only 26 with debt bigger that your wallet could ever pay? Also, being a gay deist in a country which criminalizes you by law for being not of a specific belief and gay? Having your own beliefs and sexuality fought by the same system that f*cks you everyday and never do anything in return?

There’s so much to say but I am only posting this because I am genuinely curious to know if there’s someone somehow feeling familiar to all that.