I dont know what to do

My life is good, i have a job, loving family and girlfriend. But for some reason every weekend i drink and then when going home my mind instantly goes to my addiction to uppers. I cant seem to just have fun like other people and not think of it. I feel broken and dont know what to do. I have friends birthdays and partys and i dont want to suddenly skip them all because i dont have control over myself. Noone knows except me, my gf and my best friend. My job, relationships and self are starting to suffer real bad. Im scared to tell my therapist. I know the answer is well then just dont do it, dont drink then, dont go to partys then, get control back. I DONT KNOW HOW. The more often i do it, the more i think of it. The more bad habits i seem to have. I eat bad, getting fat, smoke weed, and drink in the weekends. I try to do good things like sports and workshops. But i keep going back. I dont know why, and i dont know how to stop.