10 yr anniversary marriage 12 together

Venting… comforted to know I’m not alone.

Glad I found this community. Till recently, because I’m not able to speak to many people about this aspect of my seemingly perfect life with what is otherwise a perfect wife, I’ve felt completely alone. Married for 13 years now and after 8 years of very little sex, sometimes 3 times a year, I feel I’ve just completely lost interest. I absolutely love her and don’t ever want to not be with her, if not for the times I want to be on top of someone else releasing all this animalistic sexual energy. We’ve had many conversations, many times ending in a pathetic plead, always taking in the offered criticism of needing to date more, show affection more often, being flirty throughout the day, only to find another obstacle I didn’t cross, nor did it exist last time around. Some nights I approached too early, some nights, too late, some nights too soon after she hit the bed seeming desperate, sometimes too late as she had settled and was now sleepy. When asks about why she doesn’t initiate, it makes me feel unwanted, she states she doesn’t like initiating, feels weird. Likes a dominating man with firm initiative. Which left me initiating 100% of the time with fake confidence only a desperate sexless husband now has. Still, to be told no 97% of the time for which ever of the reasons I said 3 sentences ago.

When one person is the sole initiator, it puts that person in the position of being the rejected one 100% of the time. That’s unfair. I’ve also voiced that. Nothing has changed except I now don’t try, don’t look for her, and unfortunately, no longer desire her. Her looks didn’t change, my love hasn’t either, but she no longer is my sexual North Star. I now crave every female with the slightest curve, good smell, and pretty words. But I don’t look for her anymore. She now kinda looks for me after noticing that for the last 3 months I haven’t tried at all as opposed to the 3-4x a week I still persisted like a bruised jester who shows up to the job every day with a smile on their face and a new hematoma in a different spot. The smile stays unwavering as the racing mind takes him places not reflected on his happy performative face. But now I have no interest. My erections aren’t even on her thought nor presence, I don’t act on it but crave the attention of other women. I hit the gym, I’m somewhat muscular, healthy, well kept, super clean, and I’ve done everything to appeal to her. I work in a female dominated field and get hit on relentlessly as a 35 yr old male with a good degree who takes care of himself, smell good, dresses well, and makes a decent living. I’ve managed I to stay loyal, but haven’t to stay happy. Can anyone relate?