Killed my first raider I think i'm gonna puke

I killed my first raider today, I think I'm gonna puke

I'm a lowly level 8. I had just lost everything on my previous run. With my last bit of resources I crafted a loot kit, light shield, and 20 rounds of heavy ammo. With 15,100 credits to my name I bought an anvil for 15k.

I go to the dam battlegrounds. I spawn late and scramble to find something. Anything.

Then he shows up.

He's fighting off a flock of (meaning two) wasps and I dive behind a car to avoid being spotted. I watch him get stunned. I watch him get shot. I watch him bravely shoot back like the man I wish I could be.

I could've helped him. But instead I hid behind the car like a coward until I hear the chorus of the flock crashing and burning into the ground.

I pop up from behind the car like a meerkat. He doesn't see me.

Now's my chance. Revenge on the countless times I've been robbed blind at extraction. I know he had nothing to do with that. He's probably never ratted.

Still.

Do I have it in me?

Two shots to his back and he's down. I walk over to knock him out, and I shit you not, the last words out of his mic are, "good job".

If only my father said those words to me. Maybe I wouldn't have become a monster.

But. I'm a monster with a full kit taken off the body of my first murder.