Endings and memory issues

Hi was wondering if anyone relates? So I really really struggle with endings of things because I know I won't be able to re experience it again. It's like when something ends or there's goodbye it's almost like a grief. My whole life feels like it's not really my own and very disconnected, I logically know things that happened and get really strong body reactions but I dunno it just disconnects. I take a lot of photos and journaling which acts as my memory and evidence of my existence. Idk people don't really seem to understand this. My memory is also terrible. I've been diagnosed with cptsd and told I have dissociative amnesia but sometimes I worry I'm faking and it's only multisensory aphantasia. I know I'm not faking but still. Hopefully someone relates! I've read abit about sdam but not sure it's that.