Liking him more now that we are no contact.

I’m beginning to develop feelings for him, playing our talks back, and this realization is causing me some internal turmoil.

A few months ago, I met this guy while he was in my city. We were complete strangers, but fate intervened when he asked for my number, and we started talking. Two days later, we went out, and it was effortless and natural. He aligned perfectly with what I was seeking in a partner, shared values, similar energy, and a harmonious connection. However, the only catch was that he was only in my city for a week.

During his stay, communication was excellent, and there was a mutual effort. But when he returned to his city, things gradually shifted. Texts became less frequent, though still polite and apologetic, but the quality of our interactions diminished. I understood that we were still getting to know each other, so I tried to avoid overthinking it.

However, I’ve come to realize something about myself: I tend to develop stronger feelings and show them more readily. I don’t actively pursue relationships, but I deeply connect with others and notice distance quickly. When someone pulls back, I feel it in my chest before I can rationalize it.

There was a week where he completely stopped texting me. Then, he apologized, we caught up, and things seemed okay again. But then, silence fell upon us for another two or three days. Suddenly, I found myself questioning whether my desire for consistency made me “too much.” I wondered if I was asking for something unreasonable or if he was genuinely overwhelmed or emotionally disengaged.

The truth is, I was experiencing feelings faster than I had anticipated. When someone fits what you’ve been searching for, your guard naturally drops without your permission.

In the end, I decided to end the relationship. It wasn’t a dramatic decision; it was simply a quiet goodbye. I told myself that I wasn’t willing to endure the emotional anxiety that would come with getting too deep into a relationship before I was ready. I believed that if he truly wanted me, he would make an effort to come back and try again.

Unfortunately, he didn’t.

The part that hurts the most is that he had planned to return in December. We had discussed the possibility of hanging out again. My birthday is next month, and I’ve mentally constructed a future moment that never truly existed in reality.

I’m not sure if I miss him or the version of things that seemed possible. I know that I’m hurt, not devastated or broken, but rather quietly disappointed. And I hate that this matter has caused me so much emotional turmoil.