I don’t really know what just happened, but I feel like I should share it

I’ve always been a very self-aware person, especially when I’m playing guitar. Even though there’s no one else there, it always feels like I’m playing in front of other people, and I feel their judgement. This morning I was reading Arendal by Karl Ove Knausgård, and there is this long passage / sermon where a guy talks about death and how we never really die, that just like energy can never disappear changes form and somehow it’s the same with our souls (kinda).

I got really exhausted from reading it, and figured I should play my guitar since that usually gives me back some energy. Was followed was about 45 minutes of the best guitar playing I’ve probably ever done. I’ve always been a lot about technique, fast playing, learning scales and famous guitar solos. But here I was, exhausted, somehow “sermoned”(?) feeling like I’m actually connected with the instrument in a different way for the first time in my life. Like usually, I had the sense of other people being presence when I play, but it was just there and didn’t bother me.

I’ve always been jealous of guitarists that somehow can just connect their soul right into the instrument and express themselves. They can make mistakes and lose themselves and it doesn’t matter. And I think that I just did that for the first time in my life. I even started singing, which is something I never do. I don’t exactly what I sang, but it was connected to what I just had read.

I really hope I get to experience this again sometime