Not sure how to get back to a good place

My husband and I have been some version of open since we got together 6 years ago. Since then our relationship has evolved from DADT to only playing together with women to basically a one sided open relationship for him to see women. In other aspects of our relationship I have a 14 month old and am now pregnant again.

He does everything perfectly. He’s respectful, communicative, never breaks a boundary. He only sees women who are respectful of our relationship and if they ever disrespect me he ends it. Essentially he’s hasn’t done anything crossing a boundary recently (one incident about 3 years ago we worked through it).

Our play the last few years has been at parties primarily and we did group play with women. He was not ok with other men and I was into it I didn’t mind. Over the last two years I’ve changed my feelings and really hate the idea of him having sex with another woman, threesome or not. It really upsets me and turns me off where I don’t want to have sex with him or touch him. I’m also just solidifying my sexuality and definitely not bisexual just straight.

He’s open to DADT with other people but the idea whenever he’s out of the house he could be having sex with other women gives me such anxiety I couldn’t live with on a daily basis. Also I only want to have sex with men at parties which he’s not ok with.

The past few months he’s played with women at parties and one night one offs and for some reason these have really really triggered me. It’s been angry yelling reactions to just shut down and I need space and can’t even look him in the eyes. This is NOT NORMAL for me. We talk through these events and I apologize and he always validates my feelings and I validate what I assume is his confusion, hurt and frustration at these reactions after not violating any boundaries.

The conflict is I feel like asking him to fully close the relationship violates what we agreed to since we’ve been together. We’ve always been open, to force him to change who he is and close feels unethical. But at the same time I’m doing significant damage to his ability to trust me.

With starting a pregnancy again I think we’re both nervous. He and I agree on me not having sex with men while pregnant but this is what started the rollercoaster of my struggle with his non monogamy so we’re both nervous.

I’m writing this mid anxiety attack because he’s at a party (I gave him permission to go to) but I really didn’t want him to go. I’m so tired and we just found out I’m pregnant and I’m stressed with holiday travel we have coming up and I have told him how whenever he has sex with another woman it hurts me. And yet he chooses to again and again.

I think we need non monogamy couples therapy. If anyone has any recommendations DM me.