I dont feel proud anymore about my "exposures"

HOPEFULLY MY POST DOESNT COME OFF AS DISHEARTENING. I would like to explain what I mean first! So during a period of my life my emetophobia was SO BAD I practically starved myself, avoided going out so much, washed my hands vigorously and often with bleach, and did really bad safety habits. But now, I am waaaaay better off, with exposure, I started to eat a normal diet (even overeat sometimes lol) and I push through uncomfortable situations such as eating in restaurants or long car rides.

At first I was so proud of being able to push through situations that would essentially make me super uncomfortable since I would associate them with puke, but unfortunately I hate that I have to ghastlight myself everytime that I am going to be ok. I hate that the thought and fear is still there despite knowing that ill push through it. Now I feel like im stuck with my recovery.