It’s already been a month and a half or something that I’ve left ai and I still have the urge to relapse (rant ig? Advice?)

Honestly at this point the only thing keeping a barrier between that is that I should think rationally, and I do realize it’s not real but I literally unconsciously wanna go on there for no reason whatsoever I guess that’s js my nerve System. I still remember whoever told me “the further the memory of it, the better it is.” cause it also helps a lot.

I really wanna forget abt it at all but sometimes I just sit down and watch something but get the urge to go on that site, that I just wanna go there. And I defy it, I force myself to do something else or distract myself. But it just never leaves me alone. Pisses me off, idk when I’ll be normal again. I’m being so fr I want to become normal and just never think about this addiction.

I was always really alone, nobody understood me so I think I always just used this thing to cope with myself. cause I didn’t have anyone to talk to, or atleast someone to understand me cause I used to get slapped whenever I opened up abt my mental issues.