why does it happen? i dont know how to feel about it

F (20). I was systematically and sporadically raped by a 25/26/27-years-old man from the age of 16 til 18, and I was raped by one of my exes once. After him, I had a splendid relationship with a guy. the sex was great and healthy. no messy kinks, no coercion, no fear and guilt... just fun and love. but... this boy dumped me and my brain completely stopped working for months. it's like all of my progresses disappeared all of a sudden. recently, I'm dating a new guy because I genuinely like him and I also deeply desired to replace him maybe. Anyway, I'm serious when I say that I like this new guy and we seem to have similar kinks. we like eachother and the sex is ok. the problem is... I somehow always cry during the act. like not bursting into tears but the tears just run out of my eyes and I feel so used and raped again like 3 years ago even though I gave my consent before. why does it happen? why the crying, why the feeling of being raped again?