I, you, and me

I’ve been praying to God

Each day, my grief lingers like an unhealed wound

The person I believed myself to be

That is, the man I was to be because I had you

Slips further and further every day

As I continue to happen in the world

Moments accumulate and form new patterns

The “I” that I knew now becoming something different

Like a river flowing downstream

I have no past, or future, even the present is hallucinated in my conceptual mind

The memories form new patterns

New ways of engaging in “me”

So when I look back at who “I” was

He’s as strange to me as a friend I’ve lost touch with

I had hoped for a length of three years, that the you and I that I had known would continue to you and I for a time unknown

With all this distance and space, the grip on those people becomes like sand in my hands

Until I have none left in my hands except the grains wetted by tears

Even those, eventually dry, and go with the wind

I bid farewell to that “I”, although he’s long gone

As such

I bid goodbye to the subject who “you” were

For you are someone constantly happening

And I’ve not known that woman in quite a time

She stopped letting me a long time before I had realized

I mourned someone who was dead in the body of a living woman

Is this what they call learning from experience?