I don’t know what to do for roommate living situations for next year (long rant)

I currently live in dorms. My best friend (we’ll call Ayden) is my roommate, so we rarely have any large issues and we’re already much comfortable around each other than we would’ve been had I had another person. You’re required to pay for a meal plan when living on campus in residence meaning all of our meals are provided for us.

The meal plan is a huge issue for me that I’m dealing with because what else am I supposed to do? I’ve struggled severely with an eating disorder for years of my life, and going into college I am essentially forcing myself to eat becuase I can’t afford to be stupid and malnourished and basically dying while I’m trying to get this degree. That and we’re paying thousands for a meal plan, I feel guilty for not using it. So I’m eating, because I need to. Physically I’ve recovered, mentally I’m still in the same spot.

Me and Ayden have gotten close to friend B (we’ll call them Bean) and the three of us are considering moving into an apartment close to campus. It’s still student housing, school affiliated, but it is like apartment style living. It’ll be 4 roommates (3 of us, one other person) sharing 2 bathrooms and one kitchen, each person has their own room.

My biggest issue is how I’m going to deal with food, and issues with other people’s needs, and not wanting to be too much of an inconscience with how much I want to be accommodated for.

Bean is looking into getting a diagnoses for a condition they’re very certain they have. Once they get this diagnosis there’s a possibility they want to get a service dog, which would be allowed for the school apartments since it’s a health condition.

I really do not want to live with a dog, and I don’t want to deny them of something that will help them. I have nothing against dogs, I love them as animals, but I do not think I’d ever be able to comfortably live with one regardless of the reason.

There’s also everything with food, and the kitchen.

We have to buy appliances, and I’m very specific with what kind of food I’m okay being used in something I’m also sharing. I don’t think I’d be able to share appliances (air fryers, toasters, microwaves, maybe even the oven) without feeling like their food is contaminating mine.

The same thing with dishes (plates, cups, utensils) and other kitchen necessities (pots, pans, knifes) I would feel uncomfortable sharing unless I know what they’re eating on them and unless I can wash them on my own. Even for washing dishes I’d almost guaranteed need a separate sponge for myself.

Like I said I’m on a meal plan. With my history of my eating disorder, every single meal is a struggle and even more so with the meal plan. I hate not washing the dishes myself, sharing everything with everyone, knowing that 100s of mouths have been on the same fork in using. I’ve been dealing with it because I have no choice, but it makes me feel sick every time.

I also hate being perceived eating or as someone who needs to eat, and I hate the thought of making my own food in a kitchen where someone else can walk in on anytime or someone seeing me eat. I hate eating with other people because I’m constantly comparing myself to how much someone else is eating. And even though Ayden and bean both know about my eating history they still talk about weight and their weight loss, and how clothes are fitting them now, and how much/little they’re eating, labeling foods as good and bad, etc. It all drives me insane.

There is a few options:

1. Moving back into dorms but having a single dorm, and still being on the meal plan
2. Moving in with Ayden and Bean + one other person
3. My school has studio apartments (1 bed, bath, kitchen, living room) in the same apartment buildings. These usually go out first to people who need accommodations or have a reason to need their own studio. I don’t think I’d even qualify as someone who takes priority.

I love the idea of moving in with Ayden and Bean. But living with Ayden now, despite how grateful I am that they’re my roommate, has really made me feel terrible over a few things that are not their fault. It’s entirely how I feel about the situation.

I also don’t want to leave my friends hanging, because I feel like overall it would be a really good idea to be with people I know I work well with than being all alone in an apartment on my own. But I don’t want everyone to have to accommodate everything of theirs around me.