I feel like all my cancer treatment was a waste to use on me.

I’ve (26m) survived cancer twice and am currently cancer free. I went through a ton of cancer treatment and it was horrible.

But now I’m past that chapter, I feel useless. My old life goals feel like someone else’s now. My body hurts and is ugly now. I deal with chronic pains and long lasting side effects from treatment. My hair hasn’t grown back properly.

I’m currently unemployed and on disability. I have physiotherapy sessions, but they just make my pain worse. I’m in therapy, but therapy doesn’t work for me. Tried many times since I was a teenager with a bunch of different therapists. I’m such a waste of space, cancer ruined my life and has made me a useless human.

In comparison to a friend I made who was also dealing with cancer. They kept their hopes and dreams, all the way through their cancer journey. They died.

I survived.

They deserved to live.

Life is cruel.

I’m lonely, and I’m tired of watching people my age rush ahead of me in life. But no one knows how to talk to me anymore. It feels like since cancer, they either dropped me or talk to me like I’m fragile.

I miss when I could have a laugh with them and we were equal.

Treatment was free where I live. But I still feel like it was a waste of time and effort. Some days I wish I died when I was first diagnosed. At least I’d have died as a normal looking guy with hopes and dreams.