It's been 9 months since she left

30M. My girlfriend of 4 years left me back in April. We never argued or fought during most of our time together until the very end. I had said something to her that had more weight to it than I realized at the time. 2 months later she confronted me about it and we ended having our first real argument/fight. I said some things to her I know shouldnt have involving our future together. But I never told her I did not want to be together. Couple days go by and we did not speak much. Just kinda lived like roommates for two days. Day 3 we had another big fight. Next day I get home from work and she texts me saying she needs a break. Not even a week later I get the official break up text. I begged her to talk to me over the phone at least one more time but didnt get it. She has since blocked me on everything. Its been about 9 months. During this time ive tried reaching out every other month. Last thing I tried to text her was happy thanksgiving and I hoped her and her family are doing well. Before that I had tried to send her a letter in September. I dont think about her every day anymore and im starting to look forward to things again. The worst feeling I still have in the end was how easy it was for her to leave me and shut me out. I was never abusive and we never argued or fought until the last few months. It just makes me feel like im not worth fighting for. Im just the guy thats easy to give up on. Thats the thought that has stuck with me the most. To add a bit of light in the end im doing alot better now than I was in the first months for sure. Ive kept up on new routines and have tried to set goals to better myself. Im going to be closing on a house soon which has definitely taken up alot of my thought process these past several weeks. My advice to anyone who's just going through it would be to not hide from your grief. Please do not turn to vices or bad habits. Take your time to heal and find yourself again. Know that the pain you feel is just proof that the love you felt from that person was real and it means you can feel that love again one day. Even if its from someone new. No one is perfect in this world and there is no one solution.