Marriage without kids and heartbreak

Married almost 10 years, together much longer. No kids but moved across the country to be with him. He has so much trauma and brings me so much joy but with it, so much pain. He lost alot of weight since we got together, was working on it when we got together, and had himself convinced that being a certain level of attractive entitled him to everything. He’s said heinous things to me; been jealous I had a promiscuous sex life when he was a nerdy teenager.. all I want is love and passion and sex but he’s just such an arse… legitimately like if he does A that equals B and if B doesn’t happen he’s a nightmare and I’m the worst person ever.

He can get laid plenty he says. I stoop low and fire back and his argument is that women get laid more easily; god even typing it out I cringe. I’m scared to lose my best friend. I’m scared to let down my family. I’m scared of feeling like a fraud to all our friends (couples particularly) that looked up to us. My heart breaks constantly and he does not fulfill me emotionally and I guess I’ll never fulfill him sexually as a result. I’m not religious, but I went into this marriage really believing it was forever. I literally keep dreaming, sleeping in, lusting over romance and love that I know I deserve. I’m sure he does too, but he simplifies it to sex and bj’s. He gets probably 4 week for 10+ yrs consistently btw, I’ve overextended myself to try and make it work.

Anyway, advice experience anything welcome. Just gd sad. Will probably try therapy but so much damage has been done. I see ppl married 50 years and know how much work it takes. This is killer though. I feel like it’s destroying us both.