I don’t want him back anymore.

It’s only been a week since he left for someone else. Honestly, I can say with my heart that I don’t want him back anymore. I don’t want the inconsistency, I don’t want the false reassurance, I don’t want the confusion, I don’t want the highs and the lows. I want ME back. I want myself back so badly. I abandoned myself for him and I regret it so much, this isn’t the first time I’ve abandoned myself to get other people to like me either, I am the pattern unfortunately and I’ve finally become self aware of that. This isn’t the first time, but this WILL be the last time.

No more ignoring my boundaries to keep the peace, no more being overly nice to people to try and get them to like me, no more letting people use me because I don’t want to lose them, not more disrespecting myself to keep other people in my life that don’t deserve me.

Calling a therapist and my psychiatrist and I’m going to start doing some serious self work to try and find myself and my self respect again. I am so heartbroken, but so determined to have myself home again.