My Story with building from deconstruction and what I think I've learned about Judaism, God's Forgiveness, Sacrifice, Inclusivity, Christian misunderstandings
Hi, Christian Universalism community, I hope everyone has had a Merry Christmas and a Happy Holiday season. I wanted to share my story and my thoughts about what I had learned in the last few days About God's forgiveness and sacrificing to Him in Judaism from ancient times to now.
Our stories are very important and I want to share with you. It's pretty long and I hope that's okay.
So, this next part is what I will share later on but... I wonder if Christianity, since it began to become distant from first century Judaism and began to be interpreted by non Jewish church fathers and translating from.... (Hebrew Bible) Hebrew to Greek to Latin and.... (NT) Greek to Latin, began to actually misunderstand older teachings and still sees Judaism in a frozen state.
First, my story, I grew up in a conservative Evangelical home, even though there's a lot of nuance with it, I wasn't sheltered; I went to public school, and I was exposed to other backgrounds, religions, tv, movies, videogames, but our family went to church every Sunday, very religious and Bible-believing. And I believed everything even though deep down some things bothered me but I out my trust in what the grown ups told me: "Jesus said, I am the way, the truth and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me." "Hell is eternal separation from God." Etc. And that's a whole other topic in itself.
But deep down, it bothered me as a teenager and sometimes I would ask others, "But what if someone never heard from a country that the Gospel didn't reach yet?" At least by most in my faith community I was told, "God looks at the heart. If they were seeking with what they knew, they are saved." I'm glad this was at least acknowledged.
But with the other stuff, I know they are well meaning and love me, though, so I just took it in and put my opinions and feelings in a side compartment for the time being. There are other things that I began to ponder and think about during this time (midde school to college) and while very significant, it's not a part of this conversation.
When I went off to a Christian college years ago ( Which I chose to go to) alot of my views changed further. The school was in a lot of ways conservative , but some aspects were progressive as well, at least for me.
I love that my school emphasized focusing on repairing this world now in glory of God/Jesus and not just focusing on eternal life, which I do still hold on to and hope for but it changed my perspective. What I was taught prior to this was, yes, serving others in this world, but also spreading the Gospel for others to accept Jesus into their heart to be saved so they can go to heaven ( But it's not just about heaven , it's about becoming more like Jesus too). My college cared about this too, but I think it was really focused on helping the world now, to bring Christ to earth and Shalom.
This resonated with me so much. And it was emphasized to me that you can do this in so many different ways with what you study in school as well, glorifying God and serving others with your gifts and your area of study.
After I graduated from college, My center , my faith began to crumble , and it wasn't anything I wanted, I didnt want to walk away or rebel. alot was going on.
I began to have a deep, exusrential time in my life and a crisis of faith just questioning If jesus is the only way, God's existence, fear of eternal conscious torment, heaven. It was very painful and honestly, it's been going on up to the present day. So it's been over a decade, and I told myself in 2014, I'm no longer really a Christian anymore.
I also just have had a lot of anger from the church that intensified after I graduated with thinking about other people going the hell for not being believers in Jesus/Christian. If they are happily on their own religious path , if they're Buddhist , Hindu , Muslim or even Jewish or even atheist or agnostic.
As a 20 something, I just began to become angry about it and afraid of the big questions this all brought me. As a teen , I mostly suppressed these things to not go through the uncertainty and chaos it would cause me and tension with people I loved.
But in recent years I've discovered universalism, open mined Christian Podcasts for example , the Bible for Normal People, Her Gates Will Never be Shut by Brad Jersak, And also, at the same time , seeing all paths in a way as valid (Or God , at least hearing the prayers of all people), and I'm trying to not feel ashamed of it. I'm Just trying to figure it out, because I just think orthodox (with a lowercase "o") Christianity has really gatekeeped a lot of stuff.
Now to tell my other point, In the last few years, I've researched Judaism and have been very fascinated by what i've learned. I understand and know , obviously Christianity is rooted in Judaism and Jesus was Jewish. And I can understand why it branched away, because the Apostles were trying to reach everybody; Greeks, Persians, Turks, Romans, Egyptian And farther west and east. I think Judaism and Christianity were very progressive for their time when they emerged- God is one and The God of Love and Hope and Renewal wants to reach all people. And for all to know Him.
Also in the last few days I have done more research after a while- perspectives on sacrifice , such as in the temple. I know in Christianity and in the New Testament. For example , in the book of Hebrews , Hebrews 10:1. it talks about the old animal sacrifices and the temple as being a shadow of what was to come. And I know what that means, but I've also discovered that the sacrifices weren't because God needed blood or that God needed to forgive after the sacrifice was done. I've discovered that God has always forgiven people unconditionally. But we need to allow ourselves to accept God's forgiveness and also to repent of our ways. God already forgives in Judaism, the person just needs to repent and atone to live that out and receive what God is giving to them. And god can do this for non Jewish people , too.
I had no idea.
I thought He needed to be appeased by constant temple sacrifices of animals and things like that and that it will finally end with Jesus' crucifixion- once and for all. It seems in a way what I learned now is more inclusive, similar to Christian universalism, both perspectives, hell is temporary and hell is a form of the Physician healing the person!! It sounds more compassionate to me!!
I've been interested in Judaism for several years, because I feel personally praying to God versus Jesus makes more sense to me, I do respect, and I am drawn to the incarnation concept, a lot of God becoming a fully In the flesh, human being to experience our reality and weeping with us, but I also think God as a whole understands us anyway. I don't know if Jesus is the Son of God/God Himself or just a 100% human revolutionary prophet that wanted to reform Judaism at the time , because I heard things were already changing in Judaism and several branches were forming over various issues (especially after the destruction of the temple in 70AD.)
I give some links at the bottom of this with some of the contexts, but the blood was a part of a historical context. It wasn't about that God needed it, it was God letting people tell the story In living within their historical and cultural context. So I just wonder if there were a lot of misunderstandings in the centuries after Jesus's death, and it just makes me question: What is the truth?
But if God already forgives us and we just need to realize that, but also take responsibility is Jesus being the intermediary necessary, I know that sounds heretical, but I'm just asking that I'm not saying he's not God, I just don't personally know any more but it's also helpful for me, because I'm very inclusive of everybody that seeks to do the right thing and to make this world a better place.
And at the end of the day, I still think it is apart. The New Heaven and New Earth , and what God wants for all of us. I would even go so far to say, even for someone that doesn't believe in God, someone that believes in Love and in making this world a better place is still a part of the greater plan.
As being a human being, even if there wasn't a God in the picture , I could see an atheist saying that we're meant to do to make this world better , even if it just comes from within us.
I don't agree with that completely, but I can see naturally as humans we long to create harmony and improve our lives within our communities. To advance and improve what came before, as well as take what is valuable from the past.
At this point I would say , I'm agnostic theist with Christian roots that are deep and have shaped me and I have a love for Judaism and other religions as well. I believe God and the idea of eternal conscious torment aren't compatible or make sense. I'm also Someone that struggles with uncertainty , but is trying her best.
I appreciate , you guys reading and I know this was a long one , but what are your thoughts?
I hope you can also comment not just on the theological stuff I mentioned , but even just my story too, if you feel called to, if you can relate to my story.
I hope to have some dialogue with you guys. God bless this world and for us moving forward in the New Year.
(Some sources..)
https://youtu.be/sUqGCGnFTJs?si=e7JDzF-h5h6QPKG3
Posted Dec 29, 2025, 3:10 AM UTC