Teenage fuck up

When i was a teenager 15-18ish I did something really fucked up and batshit crazy but no one ever found out about it.

I often think about it and sometimes I feel proud, I think it was cool but I know it was wrong and I know I can never tell anyone in my life about it because they would leave or get scared etc.

Im no longer like that but sometimes I wonder what if I never changed.. what if that was the real me.. what caused me to go into those extreme lengths when I was so young?