A fucked up tragic work situation- how would you move on? (43m) Me, (F39) two years

Hey

So I've (m43)been through a saga and I wanna express it and see how others would move on from this.

So I moved back hometown for family reasons, got a job with my old boss looking after retarded people.

I met this female co worker who was married

I wasn't interested but she mess here's me and told me all about her life. I saw red flags so just was polite but didn't respond much.

There were rumours going round her and the married boss (m57) were sleeping together and she talked about going over to his house late at night. I didn't want anything to do with this crazy shit, I was just back to rent this house and help my son and stay outta trouble.

Anyway one of the retarded people died and she and I were sad so she came round had a beer. She started badmouthing her husband . I asked her to leave and she left.

Then one night we both drunk and she came over and got on my lap and she gave me a blowjob.

I said next morning must never happen again

Then Christmas party she kept messaging me to go. I didn't go and ignored her calls.

Then in Feb she came to a gig I did and she hounded me to have more beers. Stupidly I did and we went home again.

I then blocked her for six months.

Then one day she sent me a photo of her foot in the bath and I was lonely and horny and thought ...fuck it. I'm gonna start fucking this woman I don't care.

So then she comes over and we are in bed then I say you gotta leave because I felt bad about her husband. Then the boss rang and she said I'm gonna go fuck him.i was hurt by it

She apologized the next day and I feel for it.

She and I started hanging out a lot and I fell in love with her.

But she kept messaging and talking about the boss.

I started to have pleasure with her but then torment when she left to go home because I knew she was banging boss but she kept saying she wasn't.

She left her husband and we were on and off again.

She always drank a lot but one day she just started drinking hardcore and stopped going to work.

I started nursing her because I was worried. She couldn't look after herself. Her mum came over and we took turns checking on her. She tried to kill herself.

I got so exhausted I had to disengage for six months.

Then we got back together and she said she was sober but I could tell she wasn't. I was tormented by the lying and not knowing what was real.

My shrink advised me to disengage completely.

Reluctantly I did and two months later she died on the toilet.drank herself to death.

On the night of her funeral the boss came and saw me and denied any affair with her. Despite her sister and best friend confirming it with me. He also claimed he told his higher up bosses at the start that she was always going to drink herself to death. To me I think he was covering his ass.

I grieved for two years and now moved away. I'm still sad and miss her.

I also feel ashamed and traumatized from watching someone go from functioning to a corpse in two years. Her family don't blame me. They say I gave her some happiness, she was tormented for years before that. Bad childhood and previous suicide attempts.

I just wish I never got involved with her.

It will affect me the rest of my life.

I hate the boss for grooming her and lying to me , also discrediting me in the workplace.

I feel like I have to move on and forgive them both. She's dead and he worn ever change.