How to get over planning paralysis/family expectations?

I have been having paralysis over even starting to plan a wedding. This is mostly a vent about expectations I don’t know how to deal with. I feel like no one will be happy with the wedding I want and feel like, what’s the point? If no one’s going to enjoy the party why even do it?

1. I haven’t been to a wedding since I was a child. I don’t know what to expect. I feel like the wedding industry and peoples expectations have changed so much since then.

2. Both of our dads have passed away and his mom and him have a really strained relationship. I don’t want anyone offering to be a stand in for my dad. I want to walk by myself and this will 100% by a subject of drama in both our families. He doesn’t want to do the mother son dance either. This will go over as well as a nuclear bomb.

3. My side of the family is 100% sober (I am not). I just don’t know what they will do besides generally socializing. I feel like this will bring the vibe down. I don’t particularly need the wedding to be a booze fest but I would like to have fun and have my family enjoy themselves. Any advice thats along the lines of “just let them be sticks in the mud” is not helpful. I want my family to enjoy themselves! If they are miserable I will be miserable.

4. I just don’t want to do a lot of traditional things. I don’t want to have a religious officiant. This will be a no no on both sides. We don’t want to do bridal parties, this will be an issue with my friends. The previous point about my dad and no mother son dance. I am not taking my partners last name. l already gave up on having a colored dress bc I don’t want to deal with complaining about it.

What I want is a quick evening/sunset ceremony followed by a party that feels like a bunch of friends hanging out, hoping to find somewhere that will let me have a bonfire. I feel like this is not a lot to ask for but every time I start trying to plan I just fall apart thinking about how no one’s gonna have fun or enjoy what I want to do. I just don’t know what to do? I will be miserable if people aren’t having a good time and I just don’t know if I will be able to handle my family being upset about all my decisions.