The idea of someone choosing to love me feels so foreign

So it's almost 2026, I'm a few months away from trying 20 and I feel like shit.

I'm so lonely. Every single day is a drag to get though, I have nothing to fight for, no one to be at my best for. Yeah I'm in college, but that's just college, it's nothing special. Idk I wish so desperately bad that I had a partner to live with.

Today I imagined what it just be like to go on a date and have someone actually like you. To talk with you and mess around, hug and cuddle you, smile when they look at you. And then I imaged myself ont he receiving end and I felt so out of place.

Why would anyone want me?

I'm fucking hopeless at this point. Nobody likes me. I'm never anything more than "that guy". I'm never seen as anything other than a backup friend, never once have I had someone genuily care for me. I've never even held hands before. I never had a date to prom or anything.

I'm so hopeless and yet I want nothing more than to find a partner in life.

I don't know what to do.