I 20F made a fool of myself and potentially made my friendship awkward.

So, for the last three months, I've been crushing hard on my best friend 19M. We've been friends for over a decade, so I was dropping hints and flirting a lot. I thought he wasn't getting them, but our friends thought him saying I was pretty meant he liked me, and I started to believe it too.

I doubled down, making my hints even more obvious, but he still didn't react. I got frustrated because I wished he would just tell me if he didn't like me that way. So, in November, I straight up told him to touch me how he wanted, expecting him to touch my parts, but he just gave me a hug. In my head, I was like, "Okay, I've tried, but it's not working."

Then I asked him point-blank if he'd ever fancied me. He looked surprised and said no, explaining it's not because he doesn't find me pretty, but because he's gay and asked me not to tell anyone because he's still nervous about it.

I feel awful now, of course he never got the hints lol. I know even if he wasn't gay, he might not have liked me anyway, but still. I haven't told anyone in our friend group. I just needed to get this off my chest. I feel so stupid still.