Filling the void

Apologies in advance if this is too rambling. I have been fully sober for 74 days. Technically I have not had any alcohol since July but I honestly can't remember the last day I drank. In that time I quit my job at a daycare, ended a five year relationship, and moved back home with my dad and brother. During that time I was high on a daily basis and it was all I thought about. I drained my savings completely on weed, food, and buying a PS5. In October I forced myself to stop. Since then I have been getting by day by day with the mindset of "Anything but drugs." I know that being sober is half the journey but I can't find meaning. There are posts in my profile explaining my depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and everything else I'm dealing with. I'm just so tired, irritable, and exhausted. I am not going to relapse tonight but I understand why people do.