Hypomanic? Hypomanic crash? OCD loops? Need some perspective.

Was this a manic episode? Am I experiencing a manic crash? Or is this my OCD rumination amped up? I know no medical advice can be shared, but I'd like to get some external, non-biased thoughts. I'm much too 'in it' to take a logical look.

Anyways, that's the backstory. In December, I was hyper, hyper fixated on a project that kept me up into the early morning, wouldn't eat, and was all-consuming. The project was well-intentioned and led me to find a sisterhood and community of women I've been missing for over a decade. My husband and father were very concerned that I was obsessed. OCD? Bipolar mania?

I am taking my bipolar specific med,s and I've been going on my dumb mental health walks every day. I am and was proud of myself.

BUT I am snapping and raging at everyone and everything. I can see this behavior, and I know it's happening, but the rage still exists, my filter is gone, and I am overstimulated. I am crying over the most ridiculous things. I just cried when a contestant on Survivor won immunity. I'm missing my words, having trouble concentrating, and forgetting things like not turning off my heating pad, and it scorched my sheets (so dangerous). I'm embarrassed and ashamed of my behavior.

Because of my chronic migraines, I developed health OCD rumination variety. But my eyes are starting to flit back and forth, and I'm dizzy, my anxiety is high, my rage and emotions are extreme, so now I'm googling anything and everything to figure out this new health thing. I'm in a loop, and I don't know if it's OCD, bipolar, or something else, like ADHD, auhd, or just perimenopause.

Why can't I control it? Why do I always make things so much more difficult? Am I coming out of mania, and is this the crash-out? Was it OCD obsession with my project? Am I just out of a routine with my kids being out of school, and I'm trying to work in the margins?

My husband especially doesn't deserve this treatment, and neither do my kids. I'm clocking that my 8-year-old is old and trying to help me regulate and placate, and it's absolutely not her job to do the emotional labor. I did this growing up with my mom, and it drove me bonkers.

My talk therapist is on vacation, and I won't see her until the middle of January. I've missed my last two med checks with my other doctor because I was so hyper-focused that I completely forgot about them. I can't get into a med-check appointment until late January.

I did go off two low-dose meds a few weeks ago without a doctor's review (both were remnants of former heart and depression issues, but so low that I (and my doctor) didn't really think they were doing anything anyway).

I know the only answer is to see my doctor and therapist, but that's going to take a bit before I can be seen.