Just for today, I will not be defensive.

For me, it’s crucial to remind myself not to become defensive. Not because I’m supposed to be nicer or more correct, but because defensiveness is a sign that something is wrong. When I go into defense mode, I stop taking in reality. I start protecting my self-image instead of protecting my sobriety.

My addiction is skilled at self-deception. It wants me to explain away, minimize, and justify my shortcomings. That’s why I need to practice being honest about them. Not dramatizing them, but not looking away either. When I dare to see them as they are, they lose their power over me.

I’ve also learned that my own view of myself can’t be trusted. Sometimes I see myself as worthless; sometimes as misunderstood and superior. Both images are distorted. When I listen to what others say about me, and really listen, I gain access to something I lack: an outside perspective.

Trying to see myself through other peoples eyes is uncomfortable. It rubs. But that’s often where the information I need is. Not everything others say is true, but much of it is useful. If I can receive it without defending myself, I can adjust my behavior before it takes me off course.

“Just for today” makes this possible. I don’t have to be open, humble, and receptive for the rest of my life. I only have to be that way today. I can tolerate the discomfort for 24 hours. Tomorrow can be a new question.

This isn’t about beating myself up. It’s about staying corrigible. As long as I can listen, take responsibility, and adjust my course, there is hope.

Just for today is enough.