Hi, I’m 19 weeks pregnant with my furst child so I’m a little emotional lately. But throughout my life I’ve differed from OCD and eating disorders. My dog is turning 14 next year and she has been with me through everything, all my eating disorder relapses all the huge arguments with my parents, and with my boyfriends. She definitely got the bad end of the stick a few years ago when we rescued a stray cat because he picked on her a bit. She had an accident several years ago which resulted in a back injury which she’s still dealing with today.

Her whole life I’ve had like intrusive thoughts about her getting injured or dying. I’ve been like an overprotective mum to her and everyone tells me how amazing she looks for her age and I think that’s been part of it, I’ve always wanted the very best I can give her even if it’s cost me more and I’ve had to go without.

Lately as she’s starting to age, she’s sleeping more, and she’s sore in her joints and she’s slowing down I’m absolutely terrified of loosing her. I have never known adult life without her and she’s been there through all my eating disorder treatments and she deserves so much more than me. Now we live in my husbands home country and I can tell she’s not happy here. She misses my parents and she struggles with the cold, she’s lonely because people aren’t as social here, we never see any other dogs. We also struggled to find adequate veterinary care here for her conditions so we are moving back next year.

I’m absolutely terrified she’s going to die anywhere but especially here. I’m terrified of loosing her, I actually don’t think I’ll ever be able to get over it and I think I’m going to relapse when that happens. I feel so guilty for not being able to be a better owner to her and not being able to get myself together. I feel like she’s been through so much, and I just want to give her a home for her last few years where she’s really happy and j can give her the very best again. I worry about her passing away in her sleep a lot, and I just feel guilty all the time. Has anyone else had a similar issue that can help me face this? Or even just offer perspective.

Picture of my beautiful girl so we don’t get lost

Terrified of my dog aging and passing away