I quit my hotel housekeeping job without notice last week but now I’m struggling badly mentally and physically

I previously worked in a completely different field self-employed but I was very very miserable and unstable so I applied for a random housekeeping job and it changed my life. I loved the structure, the intense cardio, the challenging nature, the amazing coworkers. I started meds at the same time and my life had never been more stable.

I eventually realised my workplace was highly toxic and I started getting bad episodes so I ended up going to another hotel. At this new hotel I had a much better experience with management and general respect. I was always a top performer for time, bed making, attention to detail so they had me checking my own rooms and training others. I was their go-to and honestly I loved it, it gave this sense of purpose to a very challenging and under appreciated job. It also utilised my hypomania very well to add to my high performance and stamina.

Unfortunately for me I’m a high achiever and in the back of my mind I always knew I could do more with my life and this was only temporary - something higher paying, more appreciated and less risky for my health that utilises my specific skill set. I wanted to take a few months to focus on developing my skills and knowledge for this new journey so I was planning on eventually leaving anyway, just not yet. I wanted to figure out what this journey would be first.

The final straw for my resignation was after a string of events. I got a needlestick injury (and hit my head a lot), one of my bosses was highly toxic and was never made to improve, our entire department had been repeatedly overlooking for any appreciation or awards by the hotel, and I’d lost all sense of purpose in this once rewarding job.

After an incident at work the other day I snapped and resigned immediately. I was glad because I would have chickened out again but honestly I’m struggling a lot mentally and physically. I’m worried how I’m going to handle my emotions in the next couple of months.

I miss the wonderful camaraderie. I really miss my boss. She was by far the best boss I’ve had and it’s so difficult to leave that behind knowing how many terrible bosses are out there. I was doing 20k+ steps a day, the heavy lifting and fast paced manoeuvring. I absolutely loved being paid to exercise and now I’m back to square one. If I want to keep that level of fitness up for my mental and physical well-being I’m going to have to use a lot of willpower and dedicate a lot of time and potentially money to exercising while dealing with another full time job.

Part of me wants to go back for a while longer so I don’t have to let go of the structured exercise, money and wonderful teammates but I also know that I’ll have to let go eventually.