Low self-esteem after breakup

I’m looking for advice from people who have genuinely rebuilt their self-esteem after losing themselves. Before this year, I was a confident person. I liked how I looked, I was social, I felt attractive, and I didn’t question my worth constantly. I had standards, boundaries, and a strong sense of who I was. I didn’t rely on external validation too much, and I didn’t spiral over relationships. Then I went through a breakup that completely flipped my internal world. It wasn’t just losing the relationship, it felt like losing my identity. I started questioning everything about myself: my attractiveness, my maturity, my worth as a partner, whether I was “too much” or “not enough.” My confidence collapsed in a way I’ve never experienced before.

One thing that deeply impacted my confidence was something my ex said after the breakup that she’s not ready for a relationship because she doesn’t want to feel like someone is taking advantage of her “going above and beyond,” even unintentionally. I’ve internalised that in a way that made me feel like I was being labelled as someone who just took, didn’t give enough back, or wasn’t worthy of that level of care. I understand this may have been her way of describing her own boundaries and fears, but emotionally it landed as “there is something wrong with me,” and it’s been hard to shake that interpretation. Since then, I’ve struggled with feeling fundamentally unworthy as a partner, even while trying to take responsibility and grow from the relationship. Objectively, some things improved after the breakup, I lost weight, I’m working on my life, I’m more self-aware, but none of it feels real. I don’t feel proud of myself. Compliments don’t land. Buying new clothes doesn’t help. I intellectually know I’m not worthless, but emotionally I feel insecure and unworthy almost all the time. What confuses me is that I don’t relate to the “just love yourself” advice. I don’t feel like this is a lack of self-love it feels more like my nervous system and identity are shaken, and I don’t know how to rebuild confidence from the inside instead of chasing reassurance. I just want to feel like myself again, anyone got any recommendations or something?