dead on new years eve

if i could ever feel the happiness i felt back then when i was a kid even if it was just for a second it would mean everything to me. ever since she left me it has never been the same. it feels like everything i say and do is stupid and nobody will ever treat me like a person. maybe when i am dead i will finally stop feeling like this. i want this new years eve to be my last. im sure that there are millions of other people who go through way worse problems and still manage to survive and find joy in life, and it makes me feel so stupid and weak for even thinking about it this early, especially so much. the only time i feel happy is when i get really drunk. i hope that one day i will see her again in heaven.

god bless anyone reading this.