my common app essay is lowkenuinely too dramatic

putting the fries in the bag atp 🥀 my essay is a generic topic (overcoming comfort zone/social anxiety) and im reworking for RDs and trying to make it more personal and memorable. however its turning out to be lowk dramatic. ik im very lucky that my biggest struggle is this comfort zone shit but imagine being an AO reading abt someone who lost a parent or friend or smn and then the next essay u read is me crying abt how i didnt have friends at the beginning of hs plss 😭😭

i can tone it down like my first draft which is very toned down and safe/generic but i want it to stand out atleast a bit idkkk