Husband wants us to give up my dog

My husband has mental health issues related to a brain injury. Over the summer, we mutually agreed to adopt a rescue dog after his psychologist suggested it could help him emotionally. I was genuinely excited because I love dogs and felt hopeful this could be a positive step for our family. At the time, this felt like a shared and well-considered decision.

We adopted a chocolate lab and husky mix who had a bonded sister named Coco. Coco was completing heartworm treatment, which gave us several weeks to reconsider before bringing her home. Before pickup day, I asked my husband very clearly if he was absolutely sure he wanted to proceed. He said yes and personally went to get her.

Since then, the dogs have been wonderful. They are calm, affectionate, and well behaved. Coco has become especially attached to me and follows me everywhere. They have brought comfort and stability into my daily life.

Recently, my husband decided he can’t tolerate the dog hair and dirty floors, despite the fact that I constantly clean. He has now decided the dogs need to be rehomed. I told him I would choose divorce before giving them up. This has created a serious and painful conflict between us.

We have five children, and this situation feels like part of a larger pattern. If it isn’t the dogs, it is something else that makes him angry. He becomes upset about driving the kids to charter school, managing after-school activities, or handling normal family responsibilities. I work full-time in a demanding director-level role and still try to reduce his stress wherever I can.

When he feels overwhelmed, his proposed solutions are often extreme and disruptive. He suggests changing the kids’ schools or eliminating things that inconvenience him. He has a diagnosis of OCD, but it doesn’t present in typical ways. Instead, he becomes intensely angry, fixates on problems, and refuses to address them directly.

Rather than working through issues, he withdraws and leaves everything to me. He ignores the dogs, ignores the floors, and disengages from the problem entirely. I end up carrying the household responsibilities and the emotional labor alone. I am exhausted and emotionally depleted.

He is generally a good man, and I take my marriage vows seriously. I understand the commitment to sickness and health and have tried to be patient and supportive. At the same time, I feel myself losing my identity and stability. I don’t know how much longer I can function like this.

I cannot give up the dogs, and he refuses to back down. We are at a stalemate, and I don’t see a path forward that doesn’t involve significant loss on one side. I am looking for advice on how to handle this without completely losing myself. Has anyone navigated something similar with a spouse whose mental health issues drive extreme decisions?

TL;DR: My husband, who has mental health issues from a brain injury, now wants to rehome dogs we mutually agreed to adopt, and I refuse. This reflects a larger pattern of anger and extreme solutions to normal family stress. I’m exhausted, stuck at a stalemate, and unsure how to move forward.

Summary: We agreed to adopt rescue dogs; they’ve been wonderful, and now my husband wants them gone due to cleanliness issues, despite my constant effort. This fits a broader pattern of him reacting to stress with drastic demands while I carry most responsibilities. I’m seeking advice on how to handle this conflict and protect my own well-being.