realized today that i've been 'masking' my entire life and i'm exhausted

was talking to my therapist about why i'm so tired all the time. not sleepy tired, just... drained. she asked me to describe a normal day at work.

so i told her. i get to work and immediately put on headphones so i don't get distracted by every sound. i set like fifteen reminders for meetings because i'll forget otherwise. i take notes on everything even casual conversations because i won't remember what was said. i reread emails five times before sending them to make sure they make sense. i have a checklist just to remember to eat lunch.

she was quiet for a second then said "that sounds exhausting." and something about hearing someone else say it just... broke something in me.

because yeah, it is exhausting. i've been doing all of this every single day for years and just thought everyone did this? thought this was normal? but apparently most people don't need elaborate systems just to function at a basic level.

i've been working twice as hard as everyone around me just to appear normal. just so they don't think i'm lazy or careless. and i'm so tired.

what to do?