I 28M set a boundary with my grandparents 74M and 78F, it escalated badly.

I’m looking for advice on how to handle the aftermath of a situation with my grandparents, not validation about whether I was “right.”

Over the holidays, my partner and I were visiting my grandparents. While watching a comedy special, my grandpa said a racial slur out loud. My partner is Black. Afterward, I sent a short, polite text asking him not to say that word around us.

Things escalated far more than I expected. He became verbally aggressive, repeated the word intentionally, insulted me, and at one point physically advanced toward me. I didn’t engage physically and walked away. Alcohol was involved.

Later, I tried to de-escalate and calmly explain that regardless of intent or context, I’m not okay hearing that word around me. The conversation went in circles. I was told my message was disrespectful, that I “should have said it laughing,” and that I caused the issue by choosing the show. My grandma minimized what happened by saying he was “just protecting her,” even though she acknowledged I wasn’t a threat.

I eventually disengaged. I was calm, didn’t retaliate, and later still sent a neutral message wishing them a safe trip home.

Everyone I’ve talked to agrees my boundary was reasonable. What I’m struggling with now is the long-term piece.

I’m sad at the thought that this could permanently damage my relationship with them, especially thinking about future milestones (kids, holidays, etc.). At the same time, I don’t feel comfortable chasing reconciliation or pretending this didn’t happen if the behavior doesn’t actually change. Is it better to wait and see if they take accountability or eventually reach out?