I want youu

Hey,

I really hope you read this if you’re on here, but I don’t think you will. I’m writing this next to you. Well, I was a while ago. I know you want balance in your life. I hate this. I hate feeling like this and not knowing if I should tell you or text you it. I might just send you a song instead because that might just explain it.

I haven’t moved on. Or found someone else; the thought of it just disgusts me. I can’t. I’ve been waiting stupidly for you, even though I should initiate something now. I’m sorry for the silence. I’m not trying to give you the cold shoulder. I’m sorry if that’s what it feels like. I just don’t know what to say now when I’m with you. Even just sitting in your company today while not saying much, I like it. If you think I was texting someone, it was me writing this.

I’m sorry for everything wrong I did. I regret it. And the way I’ve treated you was not right. I’m trying to treat you better. And when I came back and we got drunk together, what I said I didn’t mean I wanted more too. I hope you know that.

I’m trying to show you I care about you. Even though it doesn’t look like it, I’m sorry. I want you. You’re irreplaceable. There will always be a place in my heart for you. I know deep down you want love, so do I. Just fears get in the way, and I think it’s been way too long now. You matter to me; everything about you matters to me. I wish I could just go up to you, hold you by your hips, and give a passionate kiss, even if it was my last. I’d want it to last forever.

For the longest time ever, I liked being alone. Then I hated it because I started growing feelings for you. Probably shouldn’t, but the heart wants what the heart desires, and mine desires you. Please check my drawer in my bedside table. There’s a letter in there; it’s not fully finished, but well.

I wish I tried comforting you better when you asked me down to get you water and pain killers cause your foot is fucked. And I had other accounts on here, but I deleted them for reasons I don’t really want to say on here if you found them. I want to say what we had was real, but I’m not sure now. Maybe this is all made up in my head, and I’m just feeding into my delusions. This is so long but I had to get it all off my chest and writing well it actually helps me right now.

I love you with my whole heart. And good night, I love you. I told you that earlier, but you ignored me. I don’t think you meant it, though. Maybe you did, idk.