How do you navigate non-orgasm sex? Directed more towards women but open to all experiences.

Looking for other perspectives, experiences, suggestions, opinions, etc!

My (36F) husband (37M) and I have amazing sex. It's passionate and hot and sexy, and we've always had really good physical chemistry, and in the moment it feels like no one could possibly have sex like we do. (FYI we've been married a while, sexual partners for 14+ years now)

The "problem" (and I put it in quotes because I don't know if the THING is the issue or if my mindset is the issue) is that I don't always orgasm and I really freaking want to because it obviously feels really amazing. In the moment, when I don't orgasm, I get really let down. And I feel like my emotions are heightened so it feels overly upsetting in the moment compared to when I'm thinking about it objectively the next day.

Like right now, I can think about our hot sex and be stoked about it and it feels like it's not a big deal that I don't O every time. But then every damn time in the moment I can't help but feel super let down, a little sexually frustrated, and just bummed that I don't get to hit my high. I don't know if the physical aspect of the non-orgasming is the problem or if I need to do more work on my mindset about it. Maybe both? Open to others experiences and outlooks on both general sex life and orgasming.

For some more context, during intercourse I can only orgasm when I'm on top. And when I'm riding him and we get into a rhythm that's gonna work for me, it turns him on more and he can only last so long doing it like that until he orgasms and then the sex is over. Granted, we usually have sex for an average of like 40 minutes of PIV time so it's not like it's over for him quickly. It's just that it's kind of hard for me to get to the right "angle" or rhythm and then it's sooo good for both of us that it gets him off pretty quickly. And then once he's done he's done.

We've tried other things... so sometimes I'll pull out my vibrator after he's done and sometimes that does the trick for me but not always, and when it does work it's a different type of orgasm that's not as intense. If we use the vibrator first it's still the less intense orgasm, but then I get way overstimulated/sensitive and I can't do PIV at that point. I've only orgasmed from oral sex once, never from hand stimulation. I also once orgasmed when he was on top and I think it was because there was a lot of clit stimulation earlier in that encounter but idk.

Do I just work on my mindset and accept our sex life as-is? I just want those mind blowing PIV orgasms like all the time. Am I being greedy?

Also for more context, idk if it really matters, but he's the only sexual partner I've had. I know for a fact our sexual chemistry is off the charts, and like I said our sex is very passionate and we're so in tune and it's amazing. The only reason I bring up that he's the only partner I've had is because I think I second guess myself at times because I have nothing else (good or bad) to compare to and no other partners to draw experience from. Like every sexual experience and position I've done has only been between him and I so it's not like I can say oh with this other partner xyz happened or didn't happen or whatever.

I want to add that I'm fairly open about this with him. I don't know if he completely understands my point of view/feelings, but it's not a secret. I think he doesn't really know what to do about it. We got together quite young so it's not like he was some all-knowing sex god from his previous experiences/partners. It sort of feels like a situation where I can basically only O in a certain way after a certain amt of time and I don't think he feels like he can do much about it. I'm not sure he can either, which is why I wonder if I need to just work on my mindset and not being let down. I know that everyone's sex life is different and people have different standards/expectations. I also know that working on my mindset can help reduce the pressure (which would hopefully increase chance of O) but idk I really try to take the pressure off and I still get let down when there's no climax for me.

OMG thank you for reading my novel and I'm really looking forward to hearing from others if you have any experiences to share, tips, etc! Thank you!