First Heartbreak— Just need advice on how I acted and was treated

I,F19, have never had a boyfriend. I’m not asking for sympathy but I just need this to be a fact stated first and foremost. I struggle with commitment and I just find a way to end a talking stage before it becomes more. Anyways, I recently began to hang out with a friend group and fell for one guy in the group, we’ll call him Danny.

Danny was very public about liking me, he was affectionate, he was kind, he made me laugh, he made an effort to see me daily w/ and w/o the friend group. We had similar interests and he was genuinely so fun to talk too. He told me he liked me from the moment he met me, and I had always wanted someone to say that to me. He took me on a few dates and I had no reason to suspect he didn’t truly want me. I told him I had commitment problems and I was going to need him to be emotionally available for me. I said this to him maybe 3 times, and each time he reassured me he could do that.

I don’t believe I was love bombed but it was definitely a faster moving relationship than I was used too. But I liked him and let it slide, I wanted the relationship as much as him. I have commitment problems but I was trying so hard to work over it, even if my warnings were going off. He seemed genuine and told me he wasn’t interested in a hook up/situationship if the relationship wouldn’t be something serious. I felt like I was promised a long term with him, even my friends agreed that he seemed genuine.

So for reference I found out mid way through talking he had a girlfriend of 4 years, and she cheated on him. They broke up a month into summer, so he basically had around 3-4 months to get over that before he met me. I assumed he was okay and over her as he didn’t mention her a lot. She definitely hurt him and I, naively, wanted to be the girl that would heal his wounds.

Around a month into talking I noticed things were getting strange with him. He reunited with an old friend, a male for reference not a woman friend. And he began to ignore my texts. He used to reply so fast and it began to delve into hours. I was fine with it because he can have his own life. However, the real issue began when I asked him to take me to a movie I really wanted to see. He asked me about the movie then he ignored it, like it meant nothing. I brought up how he ignored me a week later and he apologized and admitted to ignoring me purposefully. He agreed to take me out, and I wanted to believe him.

During this I was actively seeing him in my room, exactly what you think. This was the first time I had done anything including kissing. And I didn’t notice until we had done if the first time that he never held my hand before any if this. He never touched me innocently. He knew all of that too and swore up and down he wasn’t using me. But I felt like I was being used and confronted him to which he denied. Again he said “I don’t want a hookup if I can’t have a relationship with it.” Or “My intentions are pure, I promise you.” And foolishly I believed his words not his actions. (I should add as a side note that he came over often, he only stayed the full night with me once. Every other time he had an excuse to leave me and promised he wouldn’t do it next time. To which he did).

I still didn’t feel like I was being properly treated and he hadn’t taken me on a date in a month.I brought up how he promised me a date, the one from earlier, and I was met by “I was busy and forgot but I’ll make it up.” I knew he was lying out his ass but I didn’t say anything. For he still made an effort to see me daily with our friends, so I assumed he still wanted me. I knew he was lying but because he saw me I truly believed he was busy. And to some extent I think he was, college is stressful, but he never made an effort.

Fast forward to now, 3 months into the relationship. His responses turned into 4-6 hours between each message. He didn’t flirt with me anymore and felt more like I was harassing him. He didn’t compliment me anymore, granted he didn’t compliment me much in the beginning but he still did. I even asked him about it and why he couldn’t just say I was pretty, to which he said something along the lines of “I don’t want to.” I even tried to discuss the future with him, our next year in college and things we could do together. I was met by being ignored and dry responses, which really made me realize he didn’t want me anymore.

The odd thing though was he made an effort to text me first daily, even if he ignored me for 5 hours he still made conversation. I found it hard to believe that if he didn’t like me that he wouldn’t put in that kind of effort. I furthermore was blinded because I didn’t want to acknowledge the lack of interest, and my friends were saying I was looking into everything too much.

I broke down and asked him “Are you losing interest in me?” His response came 4 hours later as “I was hanging out with my friends. We’re moving too fast, you stress me out and I cannot give the support you need.” (Yes, this happened over text. I could have called but he had ignored my earlier message and thought he was busy). This shattered me. He made every first move and I gave him fair warning I had issues early on. Only 3 months in did he tell me, and I know he wouldn’t have told me any if this if I hadn’t had asked.

I really just want someone to analyze this and give me a plausible reason for why he acted the way he did. I know I was being naive and I regret this all so much. I don’t need to be criticized for something I already blame myself for. I just want to hear other opinions, why he made an effort to see me when he was losing interest, why he pretend to still be someone who cared even when he obviously wasn’t. Did he like me? Or did he like the company I gave him? Was I just a plan to get over his ex? Was I being overbearing? Was I the problem and stressing him? I just need more opinions