Meditation, trauma and mental illnesses

Hello,

I am diagnosed with CPTSD, bipolar and a personality disorder. I study in the Tibetan Gelug tradition but I haven't found a teacher to ask yet so I am trying this subreddit.

I've been meditating everyday for about a year now, but sometimes something too strong, like past trauma, comes out and I am left totally in shambles. I meditated on and off over the years for this very reason. I am kind of sad as I had a good year without any problems with meditation but this evening meditation left me very distressed and dissociated and I had to call someone not to be alone.

I do mainly samatha meditation, I keep my eyesight low with my eyes open, I sit straight then observe my breath, my thoughts if they arise and then let them go by returning my observation to the breath.

Is there a possibility of practicing that doesn't include meditation? Or other types of meditation? For example I am fine with metta and tonglen but I wondered if it was enough to deepen the practice.

🙏