There's something very wrong with me.

Well, ever since I can remember, I haven't been normal. My tastes and preferences feel like they're crazy, and that's where I ask myself, how can I stop something that excites me from doing so? To give you some context, imagine this: if you're heterosexual, how do you stop feeling attraction to the opposite sex? Or if you're homosexual, how do you stop feeling attraction to people of the same sex? Of course, this is just a general way of explaining where I am. Because what brings me to climax goes against my principles and morals. I think about it and analyze it. For a long time, I lived a disgustingly pleasurable life, until one day I stopped in front of the mirror and didn't recognize myself. I realized I had let all my inner demons take control of me, and at that point, I said no more. And from then on, I isolated myself, and I've been completely alone for 18 years now. Many of the things that attract or excite me are considered taboo, such as BDSM, the sadomasochistic world. I don't know why a submissive person attracts me, but I want to emphasize that I'm not referring to simple submission, but to a darker, more innate kind of submission. Honestly, I don't care if they're women or men. The strangest thing is that sex itself doesn't give me pleasure. But I'm very morbid, fetishistic, voyeuristic, and into masturbation. I don't know why financial domination excited me so much. I really enjoyed financial control, and I want to emphasize that my morals made me see myself as a pimp, but it's something I can't explain. What I felt, the thought that they valued me more than money, made me feel fulfilled. Similarly, hypnosis—feeling total control over someone who wants to be hypnotized and controlled fascinated me. I could spend hours here writing about everything that excites me, and it all feels out of place. I went to a psychologist, and I think I went to the wrong one, because when I started telling him everything I was doing, he got aroused and ended up being submissive, begging me to spank him in his office. I know I'm not okay. And I'm not good at having a normal relationship because it bores me. Is there no hope for me?