my father gave my psychs when i was 16 and it made me loose all trust in him.

when i was 15, i found acid, mushrooms, mdma, and psilocybin in my dads car. of course i took them because i was a stupid 15 year old. eventually i admitted to my dad that i took psychedelics, he then started giving me some, and that led to us tripping together multiple times. he started acting less like a father and more like just some stoner. it was really uncomfortable but i didn’t care that much to consciously notice it at the time. eventually we took mdma together and after he said he was “ hallucinating food in our fridge having sex “, i got very weirded out and paranoid. i had a total mental breakdown that night and ever since i stopped trusting him. i started getting intrusive images of my dad hurting me sexually, even though i never remembered anything like that happening ( though he was abusive in plenty of other ways ). these intrusive thoughts led me to cycle through every memory i had of him, and these intrusive images would sometimes pop up in memories or warp them into situations that i know were different prior to me obsessing. i saw a psychologist and i was diagnosed with OCD, PTSD, and manic depression. i haven’t spoken to my father in person in over three years, nor has the rest of my family. the whole situation is just terrible, because i still don’t have an answer for if he was trying to harm me sexually or not. i know for certain that my mind fabricated scenarios, like straight up things i know didn’t happen, but ill never know his true intentions at the end of the day. all i know is he was really messed up and i don’t know how far his lack of morality went. prior to all of this going down, i borderline idolized my father, even though he was an asshole. so in an instant, my mind totally switched polarities on how i viewed him.