How do you know if a sibling is emotionally abusive or just regular sibling behavior?

I’m 20f and my sister is 13 months younger than me. We’ve always had a complicated relationship mainly because I often feel like she doesn’t always treat me well. We’re going to the hair store and my mom got McDonald’s for 3 of my siblings but not me nor my sister because we were leaving and I simply made a claim I wanted some and she had to go on “You need to depend on mommy for food?” “You’re an adult you should have money” “People don’t like it when you get called out” even though I repeatedly told her to stop.

I realized something she gets on me for having poor social skills (I’m most likely on the spectrum) and reprimands me for it. (Ex. I made my mom cry on Christmas by mistake but I apologize). However when I screw up I try to fix it and at least try to be mindful of someone’s feelings but she on the other hand will say things that bother me and so no problem with it as if she’s telling it like it is.

My family has told me not to take her personality too seriously but she can make it difficult at times. During our middle teenage years she felt more like a bully than a sister honestly. Putting me down, calling me insults, expecting me to help her without doing anything in return when she was fighting with our parents. I honestly had thoughts of hurting her for years. Though as time went on she mellowed out and thought maybe it was time to let go of my negative feelings because my sister actually does care for me and does try to support me she just doesn’t always have the nicest personality but I interact with her more due to our close age.

Still she has her moments of putting down my feelings. I would tell her how her words bother me and she would tell me I have a victim complex and I’m not self aware. Basically putting me in a damned if I do damned if I don’t situation if I took in her words or not. I know I screw up I definitely do but even then it feels like they just make everything my fault since I’m told I’m sensitive and need to toughen up. It feels like I’m probably going too far to consider her emotionally abusive because maybe I’m exaggerating. It feels confusing when you know someone cares for you but they’re just insensitive. Most of the time we can be chill with other so I wonder could this just be a regular sibling dynamic?