Slowly Getting Over My Friend Triggering My OCD!

For context, I have severe ROCD that manifests itself as fear of people showing attraction towards me/romantic relationships in general. A few months ago one of my closest friends admitted she had feelings for me, and I was on edge as my OCD spiked for what felt like months. I couldn’t stop thinking about her becoming obsessed with me, wanting me to reciprocate, talking about me, etc.

It caused such a bad spiral that im still recovering even now. My gut instinct was to cut this person off and refuse to talk to her, but im glad I didnt. It was excruciating and felt like torture, but I told myself that I cannot allow that OCD feeling of dread/fear to dictate my friendships. For the longest time ive told myself that my gut feeling is actually my brain protecting me, but 9 times out of 10 its been OCD latching on to the hypothetical worst case scenarios. Ive had to force myself to accept that this person may still have feelings, but whats done is done. We talked about it. We’ve hung out in person and nothing happened - im still a bit nervous about one on one hangouts, but we’re easing back into those. I can get DMs and not have it set off my OCD just by the fear of it being from said person. I never thought that this would happen, and yes, I do still feel anxiety, but its much more manageable now.

Said person also got me some gifts for Christmas, and ive been forcing myself not to ruminate on it by looking up how much she couldve spent/what the gifts could mean, etc etc. My point is that the more you allow your OCD the pleasure of rumination, the less relief you’ll get as the trigger will never cease to be. It’ll just get replaced by someone or something else. I wouldnt say im 100% happy, but I feel somewhat content, and that’s still a huge win for me. Radical acceptance does work, even if it feels like torture. I truly hope this was able to help someone if anyone decides to read it.