Need Some Encouragement

Today I had a meeting with one of the members of the leadership team and was of a private pediatric outpatient clinic and was told this is not a right fit and that they will be parting ways. I’m of course very upset and feel sick to my stomach and had a feeling this meeting was going to be bad.

A little background context, my level II peds fieldwork was horrible. Instead of constructive criticism I was given insults, had impossible expectations to meet set by my CIs to what would be expected of a new grad, and on top of that they lied about my performance during fieldwork but I was lucky that my fieldwork coordinator was able to figure out they were lying through what they emailed.

I was obviously very anxious after this experience and it took me a while to feel like I had emotional safety and felt comfortable in my role at a pediatric clinic after I graduated and got my license. I loved the clinic I worked at. My co-workers were extremely supportive and always had good things to say about me and I received a few compliments from my patient’s families. Unfortunately, my husband and I were struggling financially and we decided to move to an area that would provide more opportunities for increased pay.

The pediatric clinic I interviewed for seemed amazing with how they discussed support. However, after being there for a few months, I found out this place has extremely high turnover. Like a whole set of staff left in a course of a year. I also heard from others how they were not supported by leadership. I started to feel that when I was told they might have me change my billing unethically and being yelled at by parents for things that leadership really should have dealt with because it had nothing to do with the child, the services I was providing, and my documentation. I also have a rare kidney disease that I told them during my interview I see multiple doctors/specialists for. I of course had pneumonia and the flu so I was out and used all my PTO and they seemed to not really be understanding or accommodating that I needed to take unpaid time off to see my doctors.

Fast forward to the week before Christmas, I was surprised with a meeting with some members of leadership with no warning. At first it started with a conversation about me looking at other positions (because my husband and I were still struggling and got hit with a big medical bill this year). Then it turned my perspective on how things were going. Then I got told my timesheet was wrong even though I told HR and left a note on my timesheet that I was not sure if my time was correct and to please correct it. Of course they processed the timesheet and then brought it up at that meeting.

Now I received more information on why I was let go and none of the reasons make sense and are just untrue. Things like me not being an active participant in co-treats even though I usually lead them, not having great transitions even though I’ve only had a kid a couple of times have difficult time transitioning and they no longer are struggling with it, not retaining clients even though families have decided the time no longer worked for them and were put back on a waitlist or discharged because all goals were met, and responsiveness to feedback even though I have literally done everything my mentor suggested in our meetings. There is mentioned that these concerns were discussed with me over time but were never brought to my attention and my last performance review I was meeting or exceeding expectations.

I can’t help but think this is Deja Vu because of my fieldwork experience. I just feel so deeply hurt and honestly sick to my stomach. I can’t help but think is it just for the reason of me needing time off for medical needs and/or ethical concerns I brought up and they just need some other reasons? I would love some reassurance that I’m not the problem because why else did the job I have for 2 years previous go so well and they were sad but understanding of me leaving.