I married and divorced a loser

I got divorced last year after being in a super unhealthy relationship for almost a decade. We had a kid together, so naturally part of that comes with joint custody (which he said he wanted, and has been so bold as to ask for 50/50 custody). I’ve been SO FUCKING ACCOMMODATING, offering him as much time as possible, and begging him to remain consistent.

I will say, he has never had great paternal instincts, but it has taken an entirely new level since we got divorced. I realized that I was the one who made sure he did the barest minimum with our kid, was the one to do EVERYTHING for him and for our kid, even when going to school full-time and working straight out of school.

Part of me was looking forward to having some grown up time in the times that he had our kid. But hear me out, he has dropped the ball almost EVERY TIME. This year alone he has dipped on at least 3 school breaks, made me cancel plans several times, and has threatened to take me to a mediator when his kid said they didn’t want to go there on certain days, because they don’t like his new partner or her kid, and loses tons of sleep.

This week is winter break. I’m supposed to have a full week to breathe and be a grown up, and I heard from him saying he was bailing on TWO of his weekly visitations this month, one of which was literally part of a week-long visit that he was scheduled to have. He said it was for travel, and when I asked “well, can our kid go with you?” He looked our kid in the fucking eye and said that they were too much for him to handle.

I feel so shitty because I am so tired and burned out. My new partner and I just cancelled another vacation because he was supposed to take our kid for a week in February, and is already bailing on it. I just want to feel selfish after almost a decade of being a full-time parent and babysitter to a grown ass man.